What’s On My Mind And Heart Today? My Papaw

A lot of you don’t know why I’ve been so quiet. It’s because I’ve lost to many in a year. And I feel lost without those close relationships. One of the closest jut happened…

September 8th my mom called me while I was at work. I didn’t answer of course, my boss pays me to work at work.

I had my grandpa on my mind. Maybe I should have him come in for a meal, at least I would know he would eat…I didn’t text him.

Later on a customer bought a left over Turkey tag.

“Hey, I thought, I’ll buy one too and then I can go snag Papaw and take him on a ride with me.” And I did.

I got off of work that evening and called my mom back.

“Have you heard from Papaw?” She asked

“No, I am going to be going there tomorrow.” I had plans to take him out and get some of his shopping needs taken care of.

“Can you check on him? He hasn’t been answering my calls it goes straight to voice mail.”

So I drove over to his house, walked in and found my Papaw on the floor.

Thinking he had fell I rushed over ready to make a joke about it and help him up.

When I touched his shoulder it was cold, then I noticed his blue color.

My papaw was one of my best friends. He always showed up. I don’t get much company, my Papaw was my company.

People just don’t visit. My papaw did.

He was the one I walked to about hunting, my confusions, our family, old times, good old shows, the weather, just about anything.

With papaw you didn’t expect any drama to come from anything you said to him.

He always showed up. To my cheerleading events, my tonsils being taken, when I had my baby girl, birthday parties if I had them.

My grandfather on my Dad’s side died last year. Around the same time of year, my Papaw as soon as I got home, came asking “Are you alright girl?”.

Papaw is the one who introduced me to my live of the outdoors. He would always take us fishing, then take to get a big banana split. Nancy town, in Georgia was one of our regular spot to go to.

I miss him, it’s so hard. I’ve not been in the mood to go hunt really, I just think, if I do get something..who will I tell that would actually care and be proud?

My papaw has always cheered me on, just a month ago when I told him I was going for my Personal Trainer certification, he said “Don’t forget about me when you become a millionar.”

I won’t ever forget my Papaw.

I planted tomatoes for him, he loved tomatoes. I took and ripped those plants up, no point in growing somethimy no one else would eat. They was for my papaw. The last time I saw him in person I took him a bag,he had a hard time eating them, but he was happy.

He would set his mind to something and just do it. He would say “It’s all in your head.” “Mind of matter, if you dont mind it don’t matter.”

If someone needed something, he would just do it, if he could.

If he wanted something, he would do it, so he gained his Masters degree.

I don’t know, I just want to get in the car and go visit him.

My mom asked me to write his obituary, I wrote a little something at the end.
Tall and gruff the big bear seemed, but he was as gentle as can be. A big man with eyes filled with wonder and joy. He made the world smile and the leaves waved good bye, as he walked towards a new adventure filled with an everlasting love.

The leaves waved good bye…

The 7th is when they suspect my Papaw passing.

I was out at camp with my husband, I didn’t feel right and I couldn’t tell you why. My husband’s noticed and asked.

I remember looking at a maple tree it’s leaves had turned red and was shaking in the wind, that line popped up in my head..what I was going to use it for I didn’t know, until..my momma asked me to write his obituary.

Because of the feeling I had that day, and the thoughts I had that Sunday at work, and the feelings I felt the moment I found him.

I have no doubt my God is real, angels are real, and my Papaw still looks down on me from heaven.

I just wish I could hug him. And listen to him fuss at me for dying my hair, bacause I know he would.

So, depressing it may be, all that’s on my mind is my Papaw. No one wants me to talk about him because it depressed them.

I just want to share his life with others, he isn’t forgotten.

He taught me and others around him so much. And made so many laugh.

I hope you remember when someone is sharing something about a loved one that’s no longer here, listen and soak in that story.

That story is how their memory isn’t forgotten. No one wants to be forgotten.

Bless you Babies

Bless you babies and the love you bring.

Lift your weeping head and close your eyes, listen to the song birds sing to each other the song of life.

Lessons of love and kindness are all around. You have the right to wear the crown.

The crown of happiness is not far to find, just look up and praise the maker if the sun and sky.

Bless you babies and the love you bring.

Breath in the air and let it caress the miracle string in which you sing. Realize you are the reason for someone smiling.

Gather up all that is good and make for yourself a new pair of glasses. People are ugly, but what you may see in the world is what leaves many in awe.

Bless you babies and the love you bring

Go sit in the sunshine and feel the hug of the sun and the kiss of the breeze.

Mountains are hard to climb, but remember big things are meant to be conquered.

Feeling small is a strength of humility you own and others lack. Shine bright with that fact.

Bless you babies and the love you bring.

Open your eyes and watch the dandelion dance in the wind. Small is the seed that travels so far and plants it’s beauty in the yard of many. Some mistake it as weed. While others recognize the strength of the healer.

Bless you babies and love you bring.

I hope know how loved you are. I know right now things are hard. I want the pain you feel to be taken.

Stranger you may be, but my heart and arms are wide open with nothing that is meant to harm you.

I want you to know how perfect you are. Please don’t take life for granted. Bless you babies and the life you bring.

I’m sick Poem

Many of you know,I no longer practice the Jewish religion, but recent events in Pittsburgh still stings my heart. I’ve been crying over it.

Friends have been lost because of all this useless hate we have in the world. I wish so much, I could take it all away.

Growing up as Jew I suffered a lot of antisemitism in all shapes and sizes.

My sister and I one day was walking to the perk to get a donut in the orthodox Jewish community in Milwaukee WI. Out of no where shots was fired at us along with harsh words. We were okay, but frightened. We ran back to our house and told our parents what had happened. I was 10.

This was the first time I had ever been hit in the face with how someone could be so cruel, just because I was not 100% like them.

After this many other things occurred, over,and over again.

My out was writing my feelings all in poetry.
This poem was written in frustration and pain that had all built up at the age of 19. I just wanted to share it with you.

Click link below for poem:


#standagainsthate #loveoneanother #Istandagainstantisemism #loveyourneighbor #poem #inmemoryofthosewehavelost

You Can Live On A Lot Less

Sitting in the living room of my Great Aunt Edna had me at peace in the middle of the emotional roller coaster I had been on.

It was familiar, I spent so much time doing the exact same things I was watching my daughter do. Everything had changed, but nothing had changed.

My favorite scent of wet paper towel and wood smoke with the hint of just pure cleaness still lingered. The recliner I had fought to sit in so many times still sat in it’s same ole’ spot.

It was my second home in a way. I guess many others in my family and, well anyone who had ever been to my Aunts had the same feelings when they stepped in her door way.

That is just my Aunt Edna, she always makes you feel warm,welcomed,and loved.

I admire her in so many ways and sitting in that living room with her was worth more than any gold or rubbies.

This visit had a lot of meaning though. I could tell my Aunt had a lot to say to me.

“You can live on a lot less Tashanna.” She says to me kind of out of the blue.

“Oh I know Aunt Edna I don’t have a lot of things people say they need…”

I say continuing to tell her about how I don’t have anything but antenna for TV or internet like most young folks and I budget everything.

She shakes her head

” No, what I mean shanny is… ” Shanny has always been a nick name only belonging to myself and my cousin Shannon.

She continued to tell me this story.

There was some folks that lived in a shack. They grew up working for everything they had. Dusk to dawn. They didn’t know what money really was.

They lived in a little shack, they’re counter was made of old vanilla waffer boxes and plaster. And that is what they had for a kitchen counters.

They had a refrigerator, but they didn’t have electricity, or know that they needed to plug it in. My cousin brought them canned biscuits one day and she just sat them on the counter.

The lady told my cousin when she came back they just went “poof”. That’s how little they knew about the modern-day world.

My cousin visited them up until they passed away, she was good and befriended them . A young person would have thought them to be strange. But they were happy, and they were normal, just hadn’t known anything outside of that they grew up doing to get by.

“That’s what I mean by people can live with less than what they think. My Aunt finished saying.

I finally got what my Aunt was telling me.

I needed to humble myself and would be happier if I stopped chasing material things and just loved what God had blessed me with.